Try Not To Smile In Court

These are found in the book Disorder in the Court.

Court Reporters have to keep a straight face when these kinds of things are said.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you so?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY:What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY:  What were your doing at the time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.

ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible he could have still been alive and practicing law.