This is the second in a series I am writing about a great post on the blog Weekend-Windup. The title of that post is Constructive Principles For Peace Of Mind.
The second item in this great post is "Learn how to forgive and forget."
Most of us would say we forgive freely and often to those around us who wound us. I personally don't keep track of how many or how often, I know it healthier to forgive and move on.
I thought I was truly forgiving until I realized that I did not Forget the grievance. I now realize that to truly forgive, I have to forget. Holding on to things that hurt me must have given me something, must have been a comfort in a sick way. Was I remembering all the times I was the one to hurt someone? No. Too bad, so sad if I was the one doing the hurting.
So it must have been important to me to hold painful things close to my heart and coddle and maybe even exaggerate in the mental replays.
Being honest with myself did not come easily or quickly. But thank God I am finally peeking in the door of unpretentious truth, open and honest eye opening truth.
Learning to forget the wrongs done to me is resulting in a release of resentment which is a burden I no longer want to carry.
Next time you are reminded to "Forgive and Forget", don't forget to forget to truly forgive.
9 comments:
personally i dont believe in forgive and forget...i dont think that it is scriptural nor prudent...where do you draw the line?
say a child molester...i should forgive and forget...let him keep my children? no.
and if you make that exception, it falls apart...i think one of our biggest issues is we have bought in to a comfortable life.
when something happens we dont deal with it---because it would make life messy...and then wonder why we cant 'forgive'...
personally i believe in active forgiveness---one that confronts wrongs so we can deal with it and truly be able to forgive...and maybe even forget.
sorry i could go on and on...its a peeve of mine...
Very good advice, CiCi. I wonder if I remember old hurts so I can nurse them, or whether I just don't know HOW to forget. :-)
Hi Brian, Good to hear you share about a subject that truly moves you and maybe even rattles you. I can certainly understand your viewpoint, especially when it may concern one of your children.
For me, I have and do deal with things head on, getting through the troublesome times and situations helps me gauge where my growth is. But for me to be healthy, I must let go, truly let go, and that means to forgive. Remember, in my post I am strictly speaking of my own experience, my own viewpoint.
I carried around pain and resentment and what freedom it was when I could forgive and move forward.
Thank you for opening up and speaking your mind, my friend.
Hi DJan, if I find myself hanging on to a grievance, I ask myself "what am I getting out this", and being honest with myself I see what the payback is for me and make the decision to let go, and at that point, let God. Thank you for the great comment.
I've had several conversations with my wife about forgiving and forgetting. She's very good at forgiving, but she never forgets.
wonderful thoughts on feeling hurt, thank you ~
Forgetting is certainly the hard part. I'm not sure I know how.. at least in some cases.
I think when you are hurt, it is tough to let go and forget.
Time though, has a way of healing hurt and allowing you to move toward forgiving and forgetting. I don't think you can always make it happen when you want to.
On the subject of forgive and forget, someone once equated it to hammering a nail into the wall. You can forgive -- remove the nail from the wall, but the hole is still there.
The forgetting is the hardest part. We say that we do it so we don't open ourselves up to hurt again. But I think you're right that it keeps us from really healing. This is something I really need to work on.
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