According to Dr Michael Broder, "being happily single boils down in part to how you regard solitude."
"People who are not happily single turn
solitude into loneliness," Broder says.
Dr Broder mentions a "soulmate syndrome." I admit to wanting to find my soul mate. Happily, I did. Unhappily, his bipolar illness was too unhealthy for me.
Broder says "We all know initial passion is delicious, but after it dies away, it's all about staying power and what it takes to make things work. The trick is to choose well so you're putting energy into staying with a suitable situation."
"If you're not painfully single and you're putting energy into other things and not worrying about meeting someone, there's no need to go on a campaign to increase your chances."
Meeting someone is the last thing on my mind. Maybe that will be the state of mind and heart for me for the rest of my life. It feels great to be happy living my own life, busy helping others and meeting new people as well as finding new activities of interest. Do I get lonely? Actually, no. If I want to be with someone there are many friends to call upon who enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. Most of my life has been with husband or children or work, always people around. I find myself actually blocking out some time just for me these days. Putzing around with my plants indoors and outside, reading, taking photos, being in the moment, listening to music or watching a movie, so many things I enjoy and appreciate.
Reading the article validates why I am feeling peace and calm. I am happy being me in my life. Instead of being suspicious of the happiness, I embrace it. It is real and it is healthy.
22 comments:
You've got a good, sane head on those shoulders. You SHOULD enjoy your own company, what's not to like. It's also nice to have the distraction of friends occasionally and you seem to be making a lot of those. I've seen a lot of changes since I first started following you and they're all good!
We all find happiness in different ways at different times of our lives. I can see the appeal of your current situation, so enjoy!
i think finding peace in where we are at is tricky business at times...it may not be singleness, it may be other things as well...for me it was being stuck in this town...but there is peace in realizing if it is meant to happen it will in its time and if i rush it, it wont be anything like what i want...
Yes. Being happy in your own skin is what matters.
There is quite a gap between solitude and loneliness, and I admit to experiencing both at times. Happily the former much more than the latter. It seems that most of my acquaintances have husbands, brothers and sisters and other family, whereas I have none and I feel quite isolated sometimes. However, being on my own and choosing what I want to do without having to consult someone else is a bonus!
I really like your last line about embracing the happiness instead of being suspicious of it. It sounds like you know you are in a good place in your life and you are making the most of it.
I know it's said, maybe too often. But I do believe that you need to like yourself before you can truly like or love others. You are so well grounded and genuine. No wonder you enjoy your own company!
I like the part about solitude being turned into loneliness. I spend a lot of time in solitude but I'm seldom lonely. I feel so sorry for those single people who don't have a person to share their lives with, but being stuck in a relationship with the wrong person is probably worse.
"I am happy being me in my life." is probably the best thing anyone could feel. Everything else stems from that.
If you can't enjoy your own company, why would anyone else? And it is certainly preferable to sing a beautiful, soaring solo rather than sing a part in a duet that is totally out of tune...
Being able to see what is good or not so good for oneself is a great gift. I've always said "better be happy alone than with someone and miserable"
It's all about acceptance. Once you have that, any situation we find ourselves in has it's positive aspects. And that's what we need to focus on, and you obviously have.
I think you are wonderful and deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way.
What an open, honest and thought provoking post CiCi, I find it very inspirational and I'm sure a lot of other people reading this will as well.
You are in such a healthy and contented place in life. I don't think many could say the same. You seem to have a good recipe for happiness and it shows. Good for you!
I have a partner, and I enjoy having someone to share my life with. But if something were to happen, I would certainly not be lonely. We have lots of separate activities, most of them actually, and they would continue the same. I enjoy alone time too. You are such an inspiration! So glad I get to spend time with you in this new unobtrusive manner. I love the Internet. :-)
I'm glad I stopped by today. I have been single now for six years, married three times, starting very young. I'm doing things backwards, it seems, and am finally getting used to being single and preferring it. I am rarely lonely, and oh so grateful for my ability to be peacefully alone now. It sounds like you are quickly adapting and that's wonderful. Thanks for sharing that link.
You seem to be in such a peaceful, content stage and it makes me very, very happy for you.
Spending time with oneself is one of the most rewarding gifts I gave myself. Enjoy this time!
Hi Cici, Thanks for this article. I am learning to like some aspects about living alone, but I have to admit, I really miss having someone there when I get home. Maybe it's time for a dog....
I think we are all wired differently. Some enjoy alone time a lot others get bored. It's good that there are variations of this too.
We are always hearing the "soulmate" term, especially on true crime shows. My husband has said, "don't you dare say that about me. I hate that term." Me too. So we get along real well. Which is good since we've been married 37 years and just having a good time, most of the time.
As for being alone, we do well at that too. We have spent time apart these last few years, having an apartment in SF where I spent more time than he did. We missed each other, but did just fine by ourselves. I have lots of friends who I can call on. I worry about my husband, though, as his friends are pretty much tied to mine. He has started to make some on his own, which makes me happy
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