"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one. "
~John Lennon


Saturday, February 16, 2013

Try Not To Smile In Court

These are found in the book Disorder in the Court.

Court Reporters have to keep a straight face when these kinds of things are said.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you so?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY:What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY:  What were your doing at the time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.

ATTORNEY: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible he could have still been alive and practicing law.

17 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ha...yes he might have been practicing law....smiles...these were fun...happy saturday to you cici

DJan said...

Oh, you made me laugh! That last one is perfect. They ALL are. Thanks for the giggles, CiCi. :-)

Jeanie said...

Those are really funny...funny enough to make even a court reporter giggle.

Heidrun Khokhar, KleinsteMotte said...

Oh my! I guess alive has a whole new meaning lol

Rock Chef said...

I love these, very funny.

Rock Chef said...

I love these, very funny.

Abby said...

These are too funny! Imagine getting paid to record that stuff.

Stephen Hayes said...

Very funny. It's hard to believe these things are actually part of court transcripts.

bill lisleman said...

Probably some of the dumbest people show up in court and that's not counting the lawyers.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

omg, those are complete crack-ups. I think I need the book!

Hilary said...

These are a hoot. I'm sure that every profession has its share of this sort of thing. Thanks for sharing the laughs, CiCi.

Tiffany Anne said...

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

Anne H said...

lol!
Love stuff like this!

terri said...

The last one is my favorite!

missing moments said...

These are awesomely good! Love that law one.

Shammickite said...

I love that last one!!!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Haha! These are very funny. I'd have a hard time keeping a straight face if I worked in these courtrooms.
xo jj