"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one. "
~John Lennon

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Standing In Check Out Line

A friend sent this email to me. Maybe you have already seen it.

A Retiree's Last Trip To Wal-Mart:

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake the Wonder Dog, and while in the check out line a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

Because I am retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her no,  I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete and it works well so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. 

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.


Brian Miller said...

hahahahaha that is awesome...lol....i would have been that man in line laughing surely...smiles.

happy saturday

DJan said...

Oh, that is so funny! Perfect. Glad to have that one shared with me, CiCi. Thanks! :-)

Anonymous said...

When I was very small, and so were my niece and nephew, we had a back porch where my parents stored the dry dog food. My nephew and I would convince my niece, younger than us, to eat the dog food. She would try anything. 55 years later she has died of ovarian cancer, the only one in the family to get cancer. Makes me wonder about that dog food.

Shammickite said...

Well... I was larfing at your story until I read dkzody's comment.

Hilary said...

A truly funny tale, CiCi.

Dkzody, you need to let go of that guilt. Dog food nibbled on by a child will not cause any serious problems such as cancer.. and especially not decades later. Sometimes things just happen. I am sorry for your loss.