"Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one. "
~John Lennon

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Were You Ever Envious Of TechnoBabe?

That was a waste of energy. It's my fault for leaving comments from my seat of wisdom and experience.

In the previous blog, I was gushing about the love and sweet life I lived with my husband. I failed to mention the fact that he has bipolar disorder. Do you know anyone with bipolar disorder? Are you living with someone with bipolar disorder?

This new blog is intended to be one of the cleansing tools for me. I won't be writing about bipolar disorder. I am trying to put everything associated with bipolar disorder behind me. The mania is just too enticing for someone with bipolar disorder and too painful for the loved ones.

In TechnoBabe's Adventures I was writing from the top of the world, not realizing I had so much more to learn.  The bubble can burst and ooze slime all over a life in a nanosecond.

I wrote a quick farewell post on TechnoBabe's Adventures, and have not been back to read any of it. That woman and that life ended. It was a great ride while it lasted.

I see the irony now of my writing such overenthusiastic posts about the love I found and how much it meant to me. Now I begin at square one and will be examining what love means to me, why I think I want it in my life, and ever so cautiously test the waters. Trust will forever be an issue for me now. I will not expect myself to be able to trust, but I can have friends with flaws who accept my limitations. I think that is about as much as any of us can hope for. 

Green eyed photo found on Google.


Cinner said...

One day at a time my friend. I remember when I got divorced someone said to me oh its so sad you wasted all that time, and I thought no, what we go through makes us the person we become. Your new journey starts and as one door closes new ones open. have been thinking of you lots. hugs.

Ms. A said...

Have to say I agree with Cinner for the most part, although there are things in my life I would love to have NOT experienced. Guess that's why they say hindsight is 20/20.

Anne H said...

So much to say.... so few words really fit here.
Just hugs! Of which there are many.
As many as you need or want, my friend!

R. J. said...

Bipolar is a big challenge for the person who has it as well as anyone who knows him/her. I won't waste any words on the one I know who has it.

Regarding the TechnoBabe posts, they were interesting to read, but none of us have perfect lives all of the time either. I try to write about the good stuff in life because I don't think anyone wants to read about my angst. I let people celebrate with me, but I don't require that they cry with me. I assume you're doing the best you can, and like most people, we all have to forgive ourselves for what has passed.

DJan said...

I was never envious of TB, but I loved her and her ideas about life. I was so sad when I thought she had left my life forever, gone just like that. I myself didn't find her especially one sided. When I learned that you had just started another blog and a new chapter in your life, I was thrilled. As far as what you write about, it's all you, so it's all good. I look forward to hearing about what's on your mind, the prickly and the velvety.

Stickup Artist said...

Judge not lest ye be judged. All of us have burdens of the ego's making. Most people wear masks, cover up their true feelings with some activities. A rare few wear their heart on their sleeve, share and reach out. It is from those rare, brave, honest few from which we learn and gain the most insight. So cut yourself some major slack, bless and release, find forgiveness, stay true to your beautiful self and honor the journey.

bill lisleman said...

No great insights to offer that you don't know. Thanks for this post it does explain some of the difference between the different blog posts here and back there.
all the best

"Abby" said...

Well, I never knew TechnoBabe, but I'm glad to meet you :). It seems like starting a new blog is a great way to start fresh!

Happy Frog and I said...

I want to read *your* posts whatever they may be. As you know I prefer to put up happy posts but I'm not afraid to write about difficult issues from time to time. No one's life is perfect but this is your blog as was TechnoBabe so whatever you choose to post I will look forward to reading. x

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

One day and one step at a time is all you need to take. I doubt I'll ever get married again because I don't want to be locked into anything anymore, so I totally understand your trepidation.

I'm going to enjoy anything and everything you write!

CiCi said...

Cinner, whew. one day at a time. One day I am getting better and the next day not go great. But overall, much better.

Ms.A, sure wish I had a pill to swallow that would put me way up the road from being in the middle of this. But then I would miss some of the benefits and I want to learn from this.

Anne, I know, hardly know what to say. Just have to get on with it. Thanks for you hugs.

R.J., I am so sad watching someone I care about dealing with bipolar problems. It is horrible. For sure I do not have a perfect life, but I do have so much to be thankful for.

DJan, when I made the decision to shut down TechnoBabe's Adventures, it was final and I am so glad to be myself and not anonymous in this new blog. I like you way of saying the prickly and the velvety.

Stickup Artist, Thank you for reminding me to honor the journey. The forgiveness I have done actually, now I get back to living my life to the fullest.

Abby, starting this blog was indeed starting fresh. Being myself and using my name and being real feels great.

Happy Frog and I, you rock.

Liz, Having all the paperwork changed back to my name and taking care of the things it takes to legally end a relationship should be enough to slap me silly if I ever ever even think of being married again. My friends say they will lock me in the closet if I do.

Hilary said...

There's much wisdom here but most of it comes from you. You are a strong woman who continues to learn a lot from living life. It will indeed get better. It already has, hasn't it? Hugs to you, CiCi.

oceangirl said...

I cherished Technobabe. And I cherished her every comment, advise and wisdom. And I treasure this opportunity to have CiCi. We all share our joys and sorrows in our posts.

terri said...

I'll admit it. I was jealous. Who doesn't want a sweet life such as you described and a love that fills your heart to overflowing?

But you should not think of your past writings or feelings as a mistake. You embraced what you had and like everyone, you trusted that what you cherished would not fall apart. It's not your fault that it did. I hope that you don't hold yourself back from trusting in the future. You're a wonderful woman deserving of love and happiness. It's out there. Don't be afraid of it.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Big sigh.... Always remember I'm cheering you on but also that I felt like I knew the "real" you as TechnoBabe. You shared some pretty deep and insightful things about yourself beyond your relationship. And you gave wonderful and heart-felt advice in your comments.

I can only imagine how difficult these past days have been for you and how hard it is to trust again. Like others have said... One day at a time.

xoxoxo jj

Margie said...

May you find all that you need, all that you want!
I wish you so much joy and peace and love!